The Difference Between Grieving vs Mourning

Loss is an inevitable part of life. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship, or the passing of a significant chapter in our lives, grief is a universal human experience. It’s a journey we all must undertake at some point, and it’s a journey that can often leave us feeling lost in a sea of emotions.

When you mourn or grieve a loss, it can feel like two processes are one and the same. But what is the difference between grief and mourning? At Citron Hennessey, we know that both are a crucial part of accepting loss in your life. In this blog, we’ll distinguish between two often intertwined, yet distinct parts of the process. 

What Is Grieving?

Grieving is a deeply personal and emotional process that individuals go through when they experience a significant loss. It encompasses a range of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that arise as a natural response to that loss. Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience — it varies from person to person and can manifest in numerous ways. No two people grieve in the same way, and there’s no “right” way to grieve.

Feelings experienced during grieving often include: 

• Anger
• Sadness
• Hopelessness
• Shock or disbelief
• Anxiety
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Numbness

At its core, grieving is a complex emotional journey and it can be a rollercoaster of emotions. Feelings may come and go in waves, sometimes catching us off guard. Grieving is not limited to the death of a loved one — it can also be triggered by the loss of a job, a relationship, or any major life change.

Chances are you’ve heard of the five stages of grief, which include:

1. Denial: During the first stage of grief, individuals may have difficulty accepting the reality of the loss. This is a defense mechanism that helps protect them from the shock and overwhelming emotions that can come with loss. Denial is often experienced as disbelief, numbness, or a feeling that the loss isn’t real. 
2. Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, many people experience anger. They may direct their anger at themselves, others, the situation, or even the person who has passed away. Anger is a natural response to the unfairness and helplessness that often accompany grief.
3. Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may attempt to make deals or bargains with a higher power or with themselves. They may ask “what if” questions and try to find ways to reverse or prevent the loss. This stage is marked by a desire to regain control in the face of powerlessness.
4. Depression: As the intensity of the grief grows, feelings of sadness, loneliness, and despair can set in. This stage is characterized by a deep sense of loss and a mourning of what has been taken away. 
5. Acceptance: The final stage of the model is acceptance. This doesn’t necessarily mean that all the pain and sadness have disappeared, but rather that individuals have come to terms with the reality of the loss. They begin to find a way to move forward and adapt to life without the presence of what or whom they’ve lost.

The five stages of grief are by no means a rule, nor are they linear. People may alternate between different stages, skip some, or have a different experience entirely. However, feeling and processing your emotions, rather than repressing them or acting out in other ways, is critical to the healing process. 

What Is Mourning?

The difference between mourning and grief is a difference between internal experiences and outward expression. Mourning is how you show that you are grieving — to make your internal experience known to others. This process typically involves cultural, social, and personal rituals to cope with loss. 

Mourning takes many different forms across cultures, but common aspects include:

• Cultural Customs and Rituals: Different cultures and societies have their own traditions and rituals associated with mourning. These can include funeral ceremonies, memorial services, wakes, religious observances, and specific symbols of mourning, such as black attire or mourning armbands. These customs provide a framework for acknowledging and honoring the deceased.
• Sharing and Support: Mourning often involves the gathering of family, friends, and community members to provide emotional support to those who are grieving. It allows people to come together to share memories, stories, and condolences. This communal support can be essential in helping individuals navigate their grief.
• Memorialization: Creating lasting memorials or tributes to the deceased is a common part of mourning. Common examples include gravestones, memorial funds, photo albums, or participating in activities that commemorate the person’s life and legacy.
• Expression of Emotions: Mourning provides a platform for people to express their emotions openly and share their feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or even moments of laughter and joy as they remember the person who has passed away.

Mourning rituals can help individuals move from the initial shock and disbelief of a loss toward a sense of closure and acceptance. They mark the transition from a state of acute grief to one where the person begins to adapt to life without the physical presence of the loved one.

Grieving vs. Mourning: Key Differences

Grief vs. mourning are two similar experiences that are crucial to accepting loss, but they have key differences. At its most basic form, the difference between grief and mourning is that grief is an internal and emotional experience, while mourning is the visible and tangible way in which grief is acknowledged and shared with others. 

Other important differences between mourning vs. grief include:

Emotional vs. Ritualistic

Grieving is focused on the emotional and psychological aspects of loss. It involves coming to terms with one’s feelings, processing emotions, and finding ways to cope with the internal turmoil that accompanies grief.

Mourning is more ritualistic and symbolic. It includes activities such as funerals, memorial services, wearing specific attire or symbols of mourning, and other culturally or socially recognized customs.

Personal vs. Communal

A major difference between mourning and grieving is that grieving is a highly personal and individualized experience. Each person’s grief journey is unique, and it may be influenced by their personal beliefs, relationships, and coping mechanisms.

Mourning often involves the broader community or family coming together to support one another in the face of loss. It is a communal experience that allows people to share their grief, memories, and condolences with one another.

Timeline and Fluidity

The timeline for grieving is fluid and can vary greatly from person to person. It may last for an extended period, and individuals may move through the stages of grief at their own pace.

Mourning rituals and customs are typically more time-bound and structured. They often occur shortly after the loss and may continue for a defined period, such as during a funeral or memorial service.

When experiencing grief and mourning, differences between the two may seem unimportant. While understanding the difference between grief versus mourning will not make the experience less painful, it can help you movThe Difference Between Grieving vs. Mourninge towards acceptance. 

Get Help With Citron Hennessey

When you’ve experienced a loss, it can be hard to tell the difference between grieving vs. mourning. However, understanding your emotions and finding ways to make peace with them is an important part of the process. Citron Hennessey offers grief counseling in NYC to help you start your path to healing and provide effective strategies for coping. 

Therapy can’t remove your loss, and it can’t “fix” your grief. But it can help you take back some control of your life and kickstart the healing process. To start treatment, book an appointment with a New York psychotherapist today.